I have an exciting announcement. I was chosen to participate in 3 months of Nutrisystem and see how many pounds I can shed from now until then. I am going to be taken this wonderful opportunity to the fullest I can. My goal is 45 pounds by September 30th. Can I do it, I plan on it.
Why do I struggle with my weight? I used to not. When I got pregnant with my oldest I weighed 140 lbs. I wasn’t super skinny, I was comfortable where I was at. I lost a few pounds from morning sickness and on my last visit I only weighed 152 lbs. When I walked out of the hospital with my new baby girl, I weighed 138lbs! Yess!!! Score!!!! The baby weight was already gone. I was feeling so blessed that I didn’t have all those pounds to work back off.
Well not even 9 months later, yep.. Found out I was pregnant again. The first of the steps to start crumbling. Don’t get my wrong, I love my Kaylee and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. It just wasn’t the right time. A few months before I had lost my grandfather, the man who filled the father shoes in my life, to Leukemia. He only had 5 short months with his first great grandbaby. After that I was already depressed and when I am depressed I eat. The few months before I found out I was pregnant I had already gained 10+ lbs. I struggled to keep it off or to even get rid of it because I wanted to spend all the time that I could with my new baby and with my grandmother.
By this time, I am around 2 months pregnant with Kaylee. I have it set in my mind that I will do just like I did with Aubreigh and lose all the weight. So if I craved it, I ate it. Well One day I get the phone call from my grandma that she really needs us to come over so she can talk to me. Didn’t think nothing of it. Aubreigh was my grandma’s shining star in a pitch black sky. When Aubreigh came, my grandma’s world was centered around her. We walked in the door, she told me to sit down and she told me that she had lung cancer. Now this was only 2-3 months, if that long, after my grandfather passed away. I did not take it well at all. I binged it for days on in just to numb the pain just a little. When I would go for the baby visits, it wouldn’t surprise me to see I gained 5-8lbs each month. All together I ended up gaining almost 70 lbs with my second. So much came up on me and I still had it in my head that I would lose all the weight just like I did with Aubreigh. Well, two weeks before my induction date comes and I start having severe contractions (It was a rough pregnancy, lost a twin due to VTS, active labor at 27 weeks, it just wasn’t good) I get so excited because my grandma pretty much went from doing ok to not being able to move in just a day. I knew she didn’t have much longer and she had looked forward so so much to seeing Kaylee and meeting her, even though she knew and I knew she wouldn’t even be able to see Kaylee even roll over. I had a scheduled induction at 39 weeks. I went in at 37 weeks and my OBGYN stopped labor and told me to wait another week. Well a week later we stop by my grandma’s house to see how she is feeling and let Aubreigh see her. Aubreigh didn’t understand why her GG couldn’t get up and play, but the smile it brought to both of their faces was worth it. I couldn’t handle seeing my grandma like this, so leaving her house we would stop and get some McDonalds, then go home and binge on any and all candy I could find. We left my grandma’s house around 4PM on a Saturday. Around 7PM that same day I got the phone call that I hoped wouldn’t come. My grandma had passed away. My heart was ripped from my chest. Only a week later I gave birth to Kaylee and while it was a beautiful thing, I broken on the inside.
At that time I had an 18 month old and a newborn. I had to be strong for them so I kept my feelings inside. It just kept growing and growing. The more upset I would get the more I would eat. Eating made me just a little bit happier. I never properly grieved over my grandma. From the time I found out I was pregnant with Kaylee until now I have gained 80 Lbs and it is just not going anywhere.
So, now its up to me. I am deeming this Mission:Slimpossible and I have accepted. Not only do I want to be happy inside my own skin again, but I want to be healthy and lead a good example for my girls.
Come back every week to check out what yummy meals I got to eat and updates!