Let me first start this post out with this; This will be one of my most personal post I have every written on the blog. Blogging is what I love to do so this just seems like the proper place to channel my energy right now. I am already in tears writing this post.
Thursday, April 2nd 2015 started out like any day. On Thursday’s I go grocery shopping and run errands. I woke up and took my oldest to school then came back home to let my 7 month old rottie out to use the bathroom. It was such a beautiful day outside and was already in the 60’s at 9am so I decided to leave Lola, my Rottweiler, out in the backyard while I went to the store. She was very secured in the backyard and could not get out, trust me we tried and made sure. Plus we live on a road where maybe 5 cars pass through ALL DAY and I live at a 90 degree angle curve so not like you can really go fast on my road. The road I live on is not even a quarter of a mile long. The speed limit is 5 MPH. Anyways, I came back home a little while later and as soon as I could see my road my face turned white and I could not breath. My poor sweet Lola layed lifeless on the side of the road. I do not really remember what happened next because I became numb. My body felt broken. I slammed my truck into park and ran down to her. Her body was still in great shape until you got to her head. What happened to her was an act of hatred. Her poor little head was smashed in. There was blood dripping down her nose. I couldn’t breath. It took me 5 tries to finally dial the correct number to get my mom. At that point I do not remember what I was saying but she got the message because a few minutes later she was at my house.
What happened to my poor baby was an act of pure hatred. The person who did it was heartless. They did not try to stop. They didn’t even move her out of the road. she wasn’t even two steps in the road to start with so that means they TRIED to hit her. She was a big dog. She was pushing 80 pounds so not like they didn’t see her. To do that kind of damage done to her with a car alone, the person would have had to be going over 55 mph, which is impossible on my road. Someone purposely took my baby’s life in their hands and took it.
She wasn’t just a dog. She was my child. She was my heart and soul. I loved her just as much as I love my kids. She was a part of the family. I looked forward to giving her kisses every morning and every night. She was so sweet and had a heart made out of pure gold. She did not deserve what happened to her. I would not even wish what happened to her on my worst enemy. It has been so hard on us all. When we buried her we all just sat out there and cried. We lost a daughter, a sister that day.
Kaylee is still young enough to not know what really went on. Aubreigh is taking it really bad. She was asked what makes you upset and she drew a truck covered in blood with her Lola beside it. She cries every night for her sister. I saw my husband cry for the first time ever. He doesn’t talk about Lola, so I know he is hurt. As for me, my whole world has been turned upside down. I go through the motions of daily life but that is about it. I have not gone more than a few hours without crying. There are constant reminders of her everywhere. I have had maybe 30 hours of sleep in the three weeks since she has passed. I have gained a lot of weight because when I am depressed I eat. My heart literally hurts. I have lost faith in humanity. I know it is not my fault but guilt eats me up from the inside out every single day. I wonder what I could have done differently and if I could have saved her. I wonder if she died instantly or if she suffered. That eats me up so much. What if she did suffer and wondered why her mommy didn’t come and save her. I haven’t been myself since this happened. I do not feel like doing anything. My precious sweet baby was taken from me at only 7 months old. I had her since she was 5 weeks old and she has been right by my side ever since. She thought of my kids before she thought of herself. She was the best dog you could ask for. She made out family whole. I miss her so much. I have flowers decorating her grave and we go out there every single day to talk to her.
I wish someone would not have thought they deserved to take my precious baby’s life in their hands and take her from me. We have decided we will get another Rottweiler. We are so grateful and so lucky that the guy we got Lola from is breeding his male and female (Lola’s mom and dad) one more time so we can get one of Lola’s brother or sister. I wish whoever did this would at least man up and at least tell me that they are sorry. I will eventually come to peace with what happened to Lola, but right now I don’t think that will ever happen. It hurts more and more everyday.
Thank you for reading this. I feel a lot better getting this out in a post. If y’all have furbabies, please give them an extra hug and kiss from my family tonight.